The hardest part of motherhood was that everything that makes me an artist, making motherhood that much harder for me. My daughter started off colicky, never wanting to go to anyone else. She constantly was nursing to soothe herself, and only wanted to be on me, without stimulation whatsoever from the outside world. This lasted for 4 years. During this time I felt isolated, confused, and completely out of my league being her mother. It took many years, books, and couches to figure out what was going on with her, and more importantly with myself.
I have always been spontaneous, self indulgent and never would submit to a schedule, everything that she needed was the opposite. I wasn’t prepared for this and surrendering to it didn’t come easily to me. Most of those years were so painful for me I didn’t want to draw from them to make art, in fear that I would make something that would hurt her in seeing them. With this new series I began to find the images coming forward that were about my emotions about being an artist trapped in a mothers roll. Of course being her mother has made me a much better person and in that way I am now more balanced.
She is about to turn ten, and I feel like my artistic way of seeing the world is finally what she needs to see. Now she will get the best of both sides of me. My creative out of the box way of problem solving and a stable secure place to be loved. She looks at the series and tells me how proud of me she is, she really is my biggest fan. She is deep and sincere and I couldn’t have asked for a better person to bless my life.
Statement About Artist As Mother Series
This year’s sketchbook is a very personal exchange about the relationship I have with myself as a mother and wife. Serving mostly as an introspection of motherhood, the struggles I have being my daughter’s teacher, when really she is my teacher, and finding humor in the painful growth stages we both encounter. I tend towards sarcasm to deal with finding the bright side of discomfort and enjoy playing with dark topics in a satirical way. All of the work is drawn intuitively, scribbling lines until I can find an image out of a mess that speaks to me. Often I am surprised by what my unconscious is delivering in form. This series was a challenge I started in January. Never having had a sketchbook before I decided to start one and commit to it for a year. I am curious where this work will take me after twelve months of drawing.